209 Roller Derby Names (That are Puns)

You didn’t ask for it, and here it is: Every Roller Derby name I’ve written so far! As I’m cooking up my next batch I realized I had lost track of what I’d already written and how many I’d written, since they’re spread across several different blogs over the last couple years. I wanted to erase some of them, because some of these puns are really a stretch, and with some I no longer understand what I was even going for. But I kept them all–the good, the bad, and the [imaginably] ugly.

Roller Derby 156

  1. Crush Limbaugh
  2. Smack Galifianakis
  3. Nuke Skywalker
  4. Princess Leah-pocalypse
  5. Scarmander (I assume when she gets stronger she will evolve into Scarmeleon and then Scarizard)
  6. Eleanor Hoesevelt
  7. Cankle Sore
  8. Lady MacDeath
  9. Skate Winslet
  10. George W. Push
  11. Jamela Anderson
  12. MC Jammer
  13. Helmet Romney
  14. Brute Gingrich
  15. Church of Skatin’
  16. Mary A. Busey
  17. Fat Benatar
  18. Frodo Body Baggins
  19. Mouth Guardashian
  20. I’m With The Band Aid
  21. Rudy Crueliani
  22. Atticurse Flinch
  23. George Gorewell
  24. Charles Sickens
  25. Skate Crime
  26. James Blonde
  27. Gruffindor
  28. Walt Hitman
  29. Slaughter-house Ivy
  30. The Lady and The Tramp Stamp
  31. Maul McCartney
  32. Hurt Vonneguts
  33. Moanin’ O’Brien
  34. Victoria VonDoom
  35. Grunge Bob Square Fishnets
  36. Nic O’ Lass Rage
  37. Shotgun Shel Silverstein
  38. Dead Zeppelin
  39. Jimmy Rage
  40. John F-U Kennedy
  41. Joan Assault
  42. Bruce Campbelle
  43. Beast Infection
  44. Anne Brutally Frank
  45. Tattoo-ine
  46. Madame and Eve
  47. Norman Clockwell
  48. David Double-Cross
  49. Space Jammer
  50. Arrrrgh Kelly (The Pirate Roller Girl, named Kelly)
  51. Pulp Friction
  52. Rue Pallbearer
  53. Derby’s Dream Land
  54. Paul Rude
  55. Kenny Jihad
  56. Broken Hart Crane
  57. Alvin & The Chipped Tooth
  58. Pterrordactyl
  59. J.K. Rolling
  60. Bethamphetamine
  61. Aunt Arctica
  62. Dr. Man-Hatin’
  63. Trampion
  64. Flesh Drive (the one who is violent, and is into data storage)
  65. Stanley Tatucci
  66. jamb of god
  67. The Social Fishnetwork
  68. George Squashington (also a good name for a pumpkin)
  69. Mean Latifa
  70. Jam-us Joplin
  71. Mark Pain (aka SamuHell Clemens)
  72. Roald Doll
  73. Bob Killin’
  74. Meat Loath (The vegan one)
  75. Punky Bruised her
  76. Man Coulter
  77. Scare-ya Palin
  78. Sarah Slayin’
  79. Sarah Plain (the Sarah Palin-like triplets)
  80. Mr. T Party
  81. Calvin and Hobbles
  82. Hairy Spice
  83. Slayla Fleck
  84. Jackie The Ripper
  85. Jackal Onassis (stolen fromParty Down)
  86. Hermione Danger
  87. Tom Boy George
  88. Dead, Wrath, and Beyond
  89. Reel Big Fishnets
  90. Shreddy Roosevelt
  91. Brutally Franklin D. Roosevelt
  92. Maims Taylor
  93. Wheelma Flinstone
  94. Ezra Pound (the girl version)
  95. i Kneepad
  96. Crisping Lover (a female burn victim who looks startlingly like Crispin Glover)
  97. Skirt Cobain
  98. Nurse Seuss
  99. Hurtcules
  100. Brute-iful
  101. Harriet Creature Stowe
  102. Tramp O’Lean (the skinny Irish tramp)
  103. Liz Demon
  104. Zora Neale Hurtsome
  105. Lioness Richie
  106. Hanna Solo
  107. Cougar Mellencamp
  108. Liv Savage
  109. Broadzilla
  110. Annie Skullivan
  111. Miss Demeaner
  112. Andy Jamberg
  113. The Separation of Church and Skate
  114. Don Quix Hottie
  115. Natalie Angrier
  116. Nido Queen Latifa
  117. Guillotina Fey
  118. Wander Woman (the one without any life direction)
  119. Jam Beasley
  120. Herstory
  121. Skater? I Barely Know Her!
  122. Roller Brown Derby (the alcoholic one)
  123. Flabbigail Williams
  124. Sufjam Stevens
  125. Sarah Impailin’
  126. Joan of Arcade (the nerdy one)
  127. Ashton Butcher
  128. The Dismemberists
  129. Dr. Steve Cruel (for your not-health)
  130. Slipster (the clumsy, hipster one)
  131. Jon H.A.M.
  132. Grave Matthews
  133. David Owie
  134. Huey Lewis and the Bruise
  135. Racin’ette
  136. Stun DMC
  137. The Invention of Huge-o Cabaret
  138. No White (the goth one)
  139. Rosie the Pivotter (she takes really sharp turns!)
  140. T-Wrecks
  141. ChewBecka (her name is Becka. And she is pretty hairy)
  142. Deadgar Allen Poe
  143. Gary Larceny
  144. Childish Jambino
  145. Arthur Killer
  146. Dawn Johnson
  147. Snow Skeeze (the skeezy one who vacations in the mountains)
  148. Judge Dreadlock
  149. Been Her (Post op)
  150. Cleopetra
  151. Bruise Wayne
  152. Jabba the Slut
  153. Tim I’d Deck Her
  154. Double Ent-Andrea
  155. Deadie Murphy
  156. Ben Scolds
  157. Danielle Rad Cliff (hip rock climber)
  158. Jam Croce
  159. Adolf Hit Her
  160. Patty Whack
  161. Yogi Bare (nudist)
  162. Murphy Frown
  163. Fishnetflix
  164. Crabby Patty
  165. TS Helliot
  166. Kurt Wrestle and…
  167. Hurt Russell (the twins who are really into Kurt Russell)
  168. Pama Granite
  169. Michael Ian Black Eye
  170. Captain Hookah (she’s really into hookahs)
  171. Betty Poop
  172. Clay Achin’
  173. Chokehontas
  174. Kanye Breast
  175. Pervert Hoover
  176. Rahl Doll
  177. Ruthless Bader Ginsberg
  178. Bill Hater
  179. Tina Fray
  180. Maims Gandalfini
  181. Tom Bruise
  182. JD Challenger
  183. Darth Brooks
  184. Gravis Staples
  185. Chubby Check Her Out
  186. Smack Nicholson
  187. Skatey Holmes
  188. Cocratease
  189. Murder by Beth
  190. Bloody Holly
  191. Scariet Tubman
  192. Grave Chapelle
  193. Sufjam Stevens
  194. Ariana Roughington
  195. Taran Kill-Em
  196. Slay Charles
  197. Queef Richards
  198. Mindy Killing
  199. Tila Tequila Mockingbird
  200. Polygonorhea (“she’s really into geometry, and she’s just riddled with STD’s!”)
  201. Michael J Foxxy
  202. Scruff McMuff
  203. Beat Rose
  204. Pain Goodall
  205. Marie Fury
  206. Charlie “Kick the” Bucket
  207. Veruca Assault
  208. Violent Beauregarde
  209. Laura Darn
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3 thoughts on “209 Roller Derby Names (That are Puns)

  1. Hi! I’m struggling to come up with a clever derby name, can you help? I love Pink Floyd, my # is 5150 (crazy) Any variation of Jen/Jenny/Jennifer is fine. Was trying to do something crazy diamond related but I am stuck!

    Thanks!

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