Fake Spoilers for the New James Bond Movie “Skyfall”

  • The entire movie is about internet trolling.
  • No bullets miss their human targets at any point.
  • Q is James Bond’s illegitimate son.
  • When a rival spy is being interrogated by James Bond, and refuses to answer any questions, Bond begins reading The Great Gatsby out loud to get him to cooperate.
  • It is revealed that Adele wrote the movie’s title song after Bond dumped her.
  • The WHOLE sky falls.
  • James Bond suffers from a severe ibuprofen dependence.
  • Most of the movie’s dialogue is ripped from XTC lyrics.
  • The evil villain is a giant hairless cat that purrs while stroking a tiny hairless man.
  • At one point, Ms. Moneypenny is shot in the chest and shatters into a pile of pennies.
  • The new bond girl is just Tyler Perry in drag.
  • James Bond gets “gay married.”
  • Timothy Dalton starts filling in for Daniel Craig at the 65 minute mark.
  • The James Bond series turns out to be entirely in the imagination of an autistic child holding a snow globe.

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