As a high school teacher, I am a member of the 1%. That is the percentage of full-time high school teachers who have never been married, nor are they about to be. Once my students learn of my, uh, availability, let’s say, they are quick to assume any woman I talk to (another teacher, a student teacher, someone downtown if they spot me there, etc) must be or should be some kind of romantic connection. During my first year of teaching, which I just completed in May, our school’s English department was blessed with several intelligent, eager, cool, and attractive female student teachers. I became friends with each of them, like a normal human being does. Some students weren’t content with me only being friends with one student teacher in particular, and decided to play Cupid. I found a note on my desk on March 15, 2012, written by a student, but not-so-sneakily from the perspective of one of the student teachers.
The following is the letter, word for word. With footnotes.
My Dearest snodypoo (: (1)
I first want to start my beautiful letter by saying, I absolutely love you’re bow-tie (2). You have the cutest smile ever (3), I have never met anyone with a great personality (4). You’re always happy, smiling, and very cheerful.
I like every comma you use in every rite spot (5). You know when to use all puncuation. That’s wicked-cool (: (6)
By the way, I like that you can draw, because unfortunately I’m very bad at it. I enjoy every color to every line you do (7). I also believe you’re taste in ties are tramendis. :) (8) Well Snodypoo, I hope I can see you after Im gone, and graduated from MSU.
Write Back (:
1. Coming on strong right away–dearest is capitalized, though my new pet name, “snodypoo” is not. Also, the student really did handwrite an emoticon.
2. I’ve never worn a bow-tie to school.
4. Never? Gosh, no wonder I seem so great.
5. That was a nice try, I was almost convinced it was really another English teacher–we really get hot over comma placement. The cover was blown when she misspelled “right.” So close!
6. Forgot a period there. Also, is the student teacher is from Boston now?
7. I draw a little bit, but I have no idea what she is talking about.
8. OK, she used “you’re” the wrong way again. And spelled tremendous incorrectly. But at least she switched up the direction of the emoticon!
9. Student teacher’s name omitted to protect her from embarrassment.