Failed “Better Book Titles” Submissions

One of my favorite single-serving blog websites is, a blog for book nerds which works under the guise of existing to serve those who don’t have time to actually read an entire book, so they need to know the point of the book summarized in the title. Funny concept. I have often submitted ideas, and have gotten a few on the site, including Oh, The Places You’ll Go! and Mein Kampf (which I haven’t read, I promise):

Here are some of my ideas for “better book titles” that have yet to make it to the website:

American Psycho by Bret Easton Ellis: “Fine Young Cannibal”

Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck: “Dumb and Dumber”

The Pearl by John Steinbeck: “Mo’ Pearl, Mo’ Problems,” or “Wishing Your Son Could Learn to Read Will Kill Your Son”

Calvin and Hobbes by Bill Watterson: “I Don’t Have Any Real Friends”

Hamlet by William Shakespeare: “The Lion King for Pretentious Adults”

Johnny Got His Gun by Dalton Trumbo: “A Farewell to Arms, Legs, and Face”

The Lion The Witch and The Wardrobe by C.S. Lewis: “A Story Involving Witchcraft that Even Conservative Christian Parents are OK With”

In Cold Blood by Truman Capote: “Only The Good Die Brutally and Without Explanation”

Killing Yourself To Live by Chuck Klosterman: “Jim Morrison and Kurt Cobain Suck”


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