We need more facebook relationship statuses.

“It’s Complicated” isn’t an accurate relationship status–all relationships are complicated. Relationships are tricky, weird, confusing, sometimes really great, and, depending on who you talk to (like Louis C.K. or your bitter, divorced uncle), almost entirely terrible. Because relationships take on so many shapes, lengths, and emotions, I suggest that facebook should expand its number of “relationship statuses” to better suit couples who are concerned with specificity.

Here is what facebook already has to offer:

Single (for people who are actually alone, or aren’t comfortable being “facebook official” with the person they’ve been dating), In a relationship, Engaged, Married, It’s complicated (which foreshadows “Single”), In an open relationship, Widowed, Separated, Divorced, In a civil union, and In a domestic partnership.

(In case you were curious, the “Pirate English” version of each of these is Sailin’ Solo, Sailing Steady, Betrothed, Anchored, It’s complicated, In an open relationship, Lost me first mate, Parted, Ditched th’ ropes, in a civil union, and In a domestic partnership, respectively.)

Now that you know what facebook already has, here is what I think should be added:

  • Available (like “Single,” but let’s people know you are looking)
  • Desperate (like “Single,” but way more sad)
  • Perpetually Single (or, “I play Yu Gi Oh”)
  • Dumped
  • Rebounding
  • In the Friend Zone
  • Waiting on him to propose
  • Waiting on common law to kick in
  • Exclusively dating, but he/she doesn’t tell his/her friends
  • Cheating (kind of like “In an Open Relationship”)
  • I’m not sure where she’s at… (in need of a DTR)
  • Cat Lady (another form of “Single”)
  • Asexual

If you have any other ideas, let me know!

This concept first started as a short stand-up bit (seen below) and it happens to also feature me talking to a couple in the audience who actually may need one of these more specific statuses

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3 thoughts on “We need more facebook relationship statuses.

  1. Morning Tyler!
    Big fan of yours here. I’ve watched your YouTube videos, god, I don’t know how many times. I just wanted to say keep up the good work. Your jokes are smart, funny and memorable. If you ever come to Dallas, Tx, be sure to let us all know. I’d love to see you live and meet ya!

    –Thanks!
    George

    ps-Happy late birthday. I make it a point that I will continue to celebrate my adulthood with a few beverages, several one dollar bills, & cornier than heck jokes (last year I asked for diamonds for my 23rd birthday…I got a pack of playing cards).

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