Today was the first day I’ve been snow skiing since I was barely a teenager. As I hit the slopes and tried to remember how I used to balance this afternoon, I made a few observations:
- Clicking your boots into your skis is a remarkably satisfying feeling. Kind of like biting into a s’more or watching someone you don’t like walk into a stop sign.
- I’m pretty sure ski boots were the inspiration for those magnetic prison boots in Face/Off. (Maybe Darth Vader’s boots, too.)
- Just as there are Japanese children on youtube who are better guitarists than you or anyone you know ever will be, there are white children in Colorado who are better skiers than you or anyone you know ever will be.
- I can’t believe anyone thinks that ski lifts are a good idea. It’s a lawnchair suspended from a cable that carries you 40+ feet above the earth. There’s nothing to hold you in–there are no seatbelts. And that’s beacause seatbelts would only make ski lifts less safe, because then you’d have to scramble to unbuckle yourself before you reached the top, and your scrambling would make you drop your pole or a glove, and as you reached to safe it, you’d fall out and land on a mogul or one of those child ski prodigies. Ski lifts are like the magic carpets of the mountains, except less romantic and more terrifying.
- For whatever reason 60’s and early 70’s rock and soul music are the best kinds of music to be played at a ski lounge. I have no idea why.
- Celebrities who don’t want to be seen should be vacationing in the mountains because you have to wear so much stuff on your face (stocking caps, ear bands, sun glasses, goggles, neck gators, scarves, etc–not necessarily all at once, though). One have no idea what anyone actually looks like, which why I assume I haven’t been hit on yet.
- The best thing to wear while skiing is a beard.
- It’s impossible to be completely comfortable. No matter how much you are wearing, if it is too cold you are straight-up miserable. If isn’t that cold, you can shed some layers and feel good until it gets windy (and then you’ll want to kill yourself). If it is actually warm (like today), even when you shed layers you are sweating, and the really hardcore guys will hit the slopes shirtless (I saw this)–but they’ll still wear gloves and all the stuff on their faces.
- The word “skiing” is weird. I don’t think “i”s should touch.