36 Roller Derby Names (that are puns)

Yesterday I went with some friends to our local skating rink to watch some Roller Derby. Yes, just like in the movie Whip It, so I went to look for my own Ellen Page to marry me (if Jim Croce can fall in love with a “Roller Derby Queen,” then so can I, right?). I didn’t find her but I did have a really great time anyway. If you’ve never watched roller derby, then let me go ahead and tell you that it is awesome. It has everything a cool sport needs: people traveling at high speeds on wheels, puns, fishnet stockings, and girls fighting each other.

If you aren’t familiar with the rules, you might want to look them up to get a solid understanding, but I will try to explain briefly: There are two teams of skaters going around in an oval. One girl on each team has stars on their helmets and they are called Jammers. The rest of the girls start ahead on the track and get a head start during each round, called a Jam. The non-Jammers are called Blockers. The Jammers earn points for their team by passing Blockers, but only once the Jammers have gone around the track one full time. The Blockers try to block the opposing Jammer from getting through while helping their own pass the opposing blockers. And thus violence occurs, usually in the form of pushing or bumping while on skates, as holding, elbowing, and tripping will get a skater a penalty. (Something like that.)

One of my favorite parts of roller derby are the names/identities that the rollergirls adopt while on skates. These pseudonyms can be anything from something tough or scary-sounding (like “Jaw Breaker” or something), to a hilarious pun based on a famous female historical figure (like “Bruisin’ B. Anthony” or something). Obviously, my favorite ones are the puns. In Whip It, we have Iron Maven, Rosa Sparks, and Bloody Holly. In Springfield, my favorites were T Ann T, Sandra Day O’Slaughter, and Molotov Coqtiz.

I wanted to be a part of this. But I’m not a woman, nor am I tough at all (and these women are tough. Even Jim Croce describes his rollergirl crush as “nasty,” “fat,” and “the meanest hunk o’ woman that anybody ever seen”). There is a male side of the sport, too. But I’m definitely not tough enough for that. So my participation is limited to coming up with potential pseudonyms (with some help from my friends, Scott and Sarah). Here are a few of the names we came up with:

  • Crush Limbaugh
  • Smack Galifianakis
  • Nuke Skywalker
  • Princess Leah-pocalypse
  • Scarmander (I assume when she gets stronger she will evolve into Scarmeleon and then Scarizard)
  • Eleanor Hoesevelt
  • Cankle Sore
  • Lady MacDeath
  • Skate Winslet
  • George W. Push
  • Jamela Anderson
  • MC Jammer
  • Helmet Romney
  • Brute Gingrich
  • Church of Skatin’
  • Mary A. Busey
  • Fat Benatar
  • Frodo Body Baggins
  • Mouth Guardashian
  • I’m With The Band Aid
  • Rudy Crueliani
  • Atticurse Flinch
  • George Gorewell
  • Charles Sickens
  • Skate Crime
  • James Blonde
  • Gruffindor
  • Walt Hitman
  • Slaughter-house Ivy
  • The Lady and The Tramp Stamp
  • Maul McCartney
  • Hurt Vonneguts
  • Moanin’ O’Brien
  • Victoria VonDoom
  • Grunge Bob Square Fishnets
  • Nic O’ Lass Rage

I will admit, I have not checked to see how many of these names actually exist on the International Rollergirls’ Master Roster, but you can at that link. If you are considering doing it yourself, make sure your dream name isn’t taken already. And you can always use one of mine.

13 responses to “36 Roller Derby Names (that are puns)

  1. This is my favorite thing I’ve ever seen on the internet. (And that includes Hamster Dance, which you are no doubt too young to remember.) xo

  2. This is fantastic. If I can toughen up, I’d love to join the Springfield Rollergirls. I have a friend on the team (New Pound Glory). If I ever grow a pair and do it, I’m probably going to take your “Lady MacDeath” or “Princess Leah-Pocalypse”. Lol.

  3. I love love love this post! especially Nuke Skywalker (which, let’s be honest, would end up Nude Skywalker, which is hilarious) and Smack Galifianakis! If I didn’t already have a name, I’d steal the latter :D

  4. Pingback: 38 More Roller Derby Names | In Snod We Trust·

  5. I just joined a Roller Derby Team, Sintral Florida Derby Demons. Today was my 3rd practice. Needless-to-say, I need about 347 more practices before Im ready for a Bout. So today they told me, “You need to choose a derby name. If we continue calling you Vanity (my real name), it’s gonna stick.” Since I joined the team 2 weeks ago, Ive been thinking what name should i choose? I didnt want an intimidating name like, Annie AnnihilatHER, Ivana Tripabitch, Lady MacDeath or nothing tough like that, cause idk if i can live up to it. After lots of diff options, checked in the international rollergirls’ master roster, I just decided to keep it real & represent my ethnicity: Cherokee Chica, Im spanish & indian. – C.C. for short. both names are Not in the roster, so Im Golden :) I Like it. What do you think?

  6. Pingback: 37 MORE Roller Derby Names that are Puns | In Snod We Trust·

  7. Pingback: 34 More Roller Derby Names (that are puns) | In Snod We Trust·

  8. I just stumbled across this and had a little laugh cause not only did you pick out my derby name, but also the name of one of my blockers. I captain a Mens Derby Team in Philadelphia called Shove City and my derby name is Hurt Vonnegut while my blocker is Walt Hitman.
    There’s an art to picking a good derby name for yourself. You locked down two good ones in a shot.
    The name is only the first part of the persona though. The second part is your number.

    • I never check the official registry because I don’t want to steal ideas, but I also never know if a name has already been taken. I love that you both have those names! Literary jokes are some of my favorites.

  9. Pingback: 37 More Roller Derby Names That Are Puns | [The website and blog of] Tyler Snodgrass·

  10. Pingback: 209 Roller Derby Names (That are Puns) | [The website and blog of] Tyler Snodgrass·

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